“They don’t like your healing because it ends their control.”
If you’ve ever loved a narcissist, you already know what it feels like to lose yourself while trying to hold a relationship together. You slowly start second-guessing your worth, shrinking your light, and walking on eggshells — all in the name of keeping the peace. I lived that life for years, thinking it was normal. I was in love with someone who made me question everything about myself, and I didn’t even realize how deep the manipulation went until I had, had enough, left and started to heal.
The Illusion of Control
If you didn’t now, narcissists thrive on control — emotional, mental, and sometimes even financial. They study your strengths and weaknesses just to use them against you. They praise you one moment and tear you down the next, keeping you in a constant loop of confusion. You actually start to believe that if you just love them harder or fix one more thing, everything will go back to how it was in the beginning. But that “beginning” — the charm, the passion, the attention — was never love. It was a hook. A tactic. A way to make sure you’d stay long enough for them to feed off your light and destroy you.
The Moment of Awakening
The real turning point came when I stopped trying to understand why he was the way he was and started asking why I kept accepting it. At some point you have to turn a blind-eye to their childhood trauma and shortcomings. That’s when everything will shift. Healing wasn’t about revenge — it was about reclaiming my peace. It was about realizing that I didn’t owe anyone access to my energy, especially someone who used it against me.
And here’s the truth: when you begin to heal, they panic.
Because healing ends their control.
They can’t guilt you anymore.
They can’t manipulate your emotions.
They can’t dangle love like a reward.
You’re free — and freedom terrifies them.
Healing as the Real “Get Back”
I used to think closure meant hearing “I’m sorry.” Now I know closure is silence. It’s peace. It’s the day you stop explaining your pain to the person who caused it.
Your healing is the revenge.
It’s the soft smile you wear when their name no longer stings.
It’s the strength you build every time you say “no.”
It’s the love you pour back into yourself after years of depletion.
How to Reclaim Your Power
If you’re in the middle of healing from a narcissistic relationship, here’s what helped me:
- Go No Contact — Block them, unfollow them, delete the messages. You can’t heal in the same place that broke you.
- Start Journaling — Write down what really happened. Seeing it on paper brings clarity to chaos.
- Reconnect with You — Do things that remind you who you were before the trauma.
- Get Support — Therapy, trusted friends, or support groups make a huge difference.
- Set Boundaries Without Guilt — You don’t owe explanations for protecting your peace.
Final Word: Heal, Don’t Hide
They wanted you dependent, uncertain, and small — but your healing made you whole, confident, and free. The version of you that survived is not the same as the one who suffered. And that’s the point.
So if you’re healing from narcissistic love, keep going. They don’t like it because it ends their control — but it also begins your freedom. 💫
I’m Teanna LaNise, your new Personal & Professional Success Coach. My passion is working with individuals that have a passion to serve. I am a Medi-Cal Certified Peer Support Specialist, Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, Advocate and Trainer that uses trauma-informed care to support individuals 1-on-1 or in group settings navigate through this journey called life while providing resources and linkages to services along the way.
I know what it feels like to experience overwhelm, stress and burnout while running a business and taking care of family. Everything that I teach and share I’ve been through personally. From self-care, mental health challenges to business, branding, and marketing.
Let me, help you take care of yourself, you matter and should come first, contrary to other beliefs. When we are out of alignment, everything around us is out of alignment.
I have been working with current and aspiring product and service based business professionals for over 15 years who are at their wit’s end when it comes to branding themselves and marketing their products and services.
Let’s take this time and opportunity to become aware of where we are and what we need in order to show up for ourselves with more intention and consistency. I help professionals like you transform themselves and their brands in these core ways:
– Goal Setting, Mindset Mastery and Self-Care planning.
– Crafting the way you want to be perceived.
– Helping you solidify your expert status in your niche.
– Helping you build trust with your audience.
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